So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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