I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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