Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
