He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
