My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize