Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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