Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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