There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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