You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
