Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
