totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
