I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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