Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
