....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
