So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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