Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
