Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
they need to just BURY HIM!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
