You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
