So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
