1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
