I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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