1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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