Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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