It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
