Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
