Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Randomize
