a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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