i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
