she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
