My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
