Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it's like iHOP with fire
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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