Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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