So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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