Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
