1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
