his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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