I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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