You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
