I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
