how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
