Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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