I think I just saw someone hide a body.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
