that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
