last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
