Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
