Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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