Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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