that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
