You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
