i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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