Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
