Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
