Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
