at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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