WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
