and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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