Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
