I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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