so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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