I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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