Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
