There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
