your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Are we in a gay sports bar?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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