I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
