I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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