I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
