She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
sex in a hospital.. check
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
