Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
