is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
