no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
