why didn't you poke me back
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
