She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
