I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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